He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
