mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
