Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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