I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
