is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize