So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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