Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize