oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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