Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
