As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if only i could text you this smell
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
