you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
