she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
