They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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