My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my sisters under your porch take her home
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
