well I can't set my house on fire every night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
