halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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