I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
