i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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