I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
