these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
