I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
