theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
