Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
