I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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