He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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