don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
