The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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