I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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