I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
