Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
