If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
