If that was your dad, he is hot
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
