I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
