I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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