no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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