Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
