he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
