How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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