The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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