if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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