I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
