I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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