Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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