Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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