Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
