hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize