my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
