I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This baby is an asshole
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
