Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
