so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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