You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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