I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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