I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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