I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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