hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
