Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
