That's intense
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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