In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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