please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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