I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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