it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
