i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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