Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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