Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
