Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize