So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
