i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
