I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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