He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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