wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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