But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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