no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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