we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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