Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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