You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
