she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found the puke drawer
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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