I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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