It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
should my penis look like a turkey
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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