He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
