I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
