I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
