I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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