I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
