He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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