There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
