I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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