I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize