I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
