the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize