I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
