so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
