everyone is single if you try hard enough
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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