Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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