i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
