Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
